Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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