I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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