my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't deserve a penis
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
