yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
