we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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