so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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