don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
