Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
