Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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