Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
