Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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