is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
