youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
