Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
