video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
