I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
