that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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