my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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