wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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