Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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