Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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