i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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