If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
