my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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