So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
