I can tuck mytits in my pants
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
