I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
