I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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