you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
