I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
