So drunk its hurt
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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