After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
