She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
