Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
