Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
