Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
