his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
