Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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