I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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