He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
