I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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