this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
