Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
