What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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