dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
