How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Actions speak louder than pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
