omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
