The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
