Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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