theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
