Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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